Given Apple's tendency towards banning games of questionable taste, you might wonder how such a concept translates to the App Store, and the answer is - not terribly well.
Visually, everything appears to have mutated into a kind of cute sub-Manga cartoon style that's largely inoffensive and doesn't remotely stand out from legions of other iOS titles.
As for the gameplay, we're firmly in the world of the beat-'em-up.
Rip out the other cheek
Oddly - and presumably in an attempt to get past Apple's review board - Jesus isn't the star of the show this time.
Instead, it's Judas who does the death-dealing, working his way through countless undead Romans, cowboys, and other assorted critters. You use a virtual stick to move him about and a button to punch the face off of anything nearby.
Over time, you unlock special abilities and powers, like being able to bring down stars to crush your opponents (by stabbing a button icon that then slowly recharges).
Or you can partake in a little spine-ripping or heart-removing (through timing a punch at the exact moment an oscillating arrow above a zombie's head moves over a critical red zone).
Blessed are the iPhone users
On an iPad, you'll likely end up cursing to the point God might want a word with you, such is the dodgy nature of the D-pad with its massive dead-zone.
IAPs explainedDenari is the game's currency, and you have four IAP options. 1500 for 69p / 99c, 5000 for £1.99 / $2.99, 20000 for £2.99 / $4.99, and 125000 for £17.49 / $24.99.You might have noticed the 'subtle' upsell, there, for the third option. Regardless, the only reason to go for a lower amount is it kills the horribly annoying ads as dead as any gutted zombie. Otherwise, you can easily enough grind lower levels to earn cash, if you don't want to pay. |
Still, even on an iPhone, Fist of Jesus seems oddly quaint and not terribly contentious, unless you find a cartoon game about a violent Judas a huge insult.
Without its veneer of biblical content, it's unlikely the title would gain a great degree of notoriety, and it certainly wouldn't court controversy.
See the light
As it is, the most offensive aspect of Fist of Jesus is really that it's just not that much fun to play.
Each level is a small scrolling arena, and your path is increasingly blocked by irritating and arbitrary gating. You might have to survive for a set length of time, or kill a specific number of nasties.
The sense of progression you got from even the most ancient of brawlers, like Double Dragon, is missing.
And it's replaced by a tedious and monotonous bite-sized structure thick with monotony, peppered with difficulty spikes, and heavily hinting at IAP to boost your earnings, which can then be spent on upgrades.
Perhaps had Fist of Jesus really gone to town - maybe mid-1990s-Mortal Kombat-style digitised figures, or truly over-the-top gore - or simply been a lot funnier, it would have been worth investment.
As it is, it's painfully mediocre, not especially edgy, and you'd be better off spending a couple of hours revisiting the aforementioned Monty Python classic.
